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Herwin Bozet (NibblePoker)
2026-05-17 12:10:11 +02:00
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.gitignore
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# IDEs
.vs/
.idea/
# Build artifacts
bin/
obj/
# Trash
*.user
LICENSE
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Creative Commons Legal Code
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NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt.sln
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Microsoft Visual Studio Solution File, Format Version 12.00
Project("{FAE04EC0-301F-11D3-BF4B-00C04F79EFBC}") = "NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt", "NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt\NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt.csproj", "{F867A849-8892-41F1-8831-0567A8EA4FB4}"
EndProject
Global
GlobalSection(SolutionConfigurationPlatforms) = preSolution
Debug|Any CPU = Debug|Any CPU
Release|Any CPU = Release|Any CPU
EndGlobalSection
GlobalSection(ProjectConfigurationPlatforms) = postSolution
{F867A849-8892-41F1-8831-0567A8EA4FB4}.Debug|Any CPU.ActiveCfg = Debug|Any CPU
{F867A849-8892-41F1-8831-0567A8EA4FB4}.Debug|Any CPU.Build.0 = Debug|Any CPU
{F867A849-8892-41F1-8831-0567A8EA4FB4}.Release|Any CPU.ActiveCfg = Release|Any CPU
{F867A849-8892-41F1-8831-0567A8EA4FB4}.Release|Any CPU.Build.0 = Release|Any CPU
EndGlobalSection
EndGlobal
NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt/NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt.csproj
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<Project Sdk="Microsoft.NET.Sdk">
<PropertyGroup>
<OutputType>Exe</OutputType>
<TargetFramework>net9.0</TargetFramework>
<ImplicitUsings>enable</ImplicitUsings>
<Nullable>enable</Nullable>
</PropertyGroup>
<ItemGroup>
<PackageReference Include="ESCPOS_NET" Version="3.0.0" />
</ItemGroup>
<ItemGroup>
<None Update="logo01.png">
<CopyToOutputDirectory>Always</CopyToOutputDirectory>
</None>
</ItemGroup>
</Project>
NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt/Program.cs
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using System.Globalization;
using ESCPOS_NET;
using ESCPOS_NET.Emitters;
using ESCPOS_NET.Utilities;
namespace NibblePoker.GoatseReceipt;
internal static class Program {
private const string PrinterPort = "COM10";
private const int PrinterBaudRate = 38400;
private static readonly string[] AdresseRues = [
"Route de Luxembourg" // Route connue depuis 30+ ans dans la région
];
private static readonly string[] AdresseNumeros = [
"Dans les fougeres",
"Hute du fermier",
"La grange",
"Ma boite a malice",
"Votre voiture"
];
private static readonly string[] FauxSites = [
// 1 entrée censurée
"gourgandine.be",
"gourgandineries.be",
"prostipute.be"
];
private static readonly string[] NomDeFilleDeJoie = [
"Crystalle",
"Mariette",
"Crystalle"
];
private static readonly string[] Monnaies = [
"vbucks",
"robux",
"euros"
];
private static readonly string[][] ActesPrincipaux = [
["Un p'tit wrap", "7.60"],
["Limace baveuse", "50.00"],
["Turlutte", "25.00"],
["Helicoptere Bulgare", "75.00"],
["Kama-trouee", "30.00"],
["Pelure d'oignon", "30.00"],
["Ouverture boite a malice", "60.00"],
["P'tit classique", "20.00"],
["Lechouille de velour", "35.00"]
];
private static readonly string[][] ActesSecondaires = [
["Pastille pour l'haleine", "2.99"],
["Service de nuit", "25.00"],
["Supplement mouille", "5.00"],
["Pause cloppe", "10.00"],
["Mouchoir pour larmes", "5.00"],
["Tour de magie", "7.50"],
["Pre-lavage de la fosse", "25.00"],
["Mots doux", "5.00"],
["Odeur de camioneuse", "5.00"],
["Canette de Carapils", "1.50"],
["Brossage de criniere", "7.50"],
["Supplement dents", "-2.50"],
["Parfum poissoniere", "2.50"],
["Parfum note brune", "7.50"],
["Supplement griffe", "7.50"]
];
private static void Main(string[] _) {
Console.WriteLine("Preparing stuff...");
var printer = new SerialPrinter(portName: PrinterPort, baudRate: PrinterBaudRate);
var e = new EPSON();
Random rand = new Random();
Console.WriteLine("Printing...");
// En-tête mis à part car l'image cause beaucoup de soucis dans la librairie...
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.None),
e.CenterAlign(),
e.PrintImage(File.ReadAllBytes("./logo01.png"), true, maxWidth: 480),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.CodePage(CodePage.ISO8859_2_LATIN2),
e.PrintLine("Vas-y S.P.R.L"),
e.PrintLine(AdresseRues[rand.Next(AdresseRues.Length)] + ", " + AdresseNumeros[rand.Next(AdresseNumeros.Length)]),
e.PrintLine("6700 Arlon, Belgique"),
// Numéro original censuré
e.PrintLine("+32 00 00 00 00 / +32 00 00 00 00"),
e.PrintLine("Remboursement uniquement en liquide"),
e.PrintLine("Conditions sur " + FauxSites[rand.Next(FauxSites.Length)]),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" Caissier/ere N° Date Heure"),
e.PrintLine(" " + NomDeFilleDeJoie[rand.Next(NomDeFilleDeJoie.Length)].PadRight(21) +
$"{rand.Next(8999) + 1000} {rand.Next(20) + 10}/{rand.Next(2) + 7}/25 {rand.Next(5) + 18}:{rand.Next(49) + 10}"),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.PrintLine(" -----------------------------------------")
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
// En-tête des colonnes avec le détail des "articles"
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.None),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.Condensed | PrintStyle.None),
e.CenterAlign(),
e.PrintLine("Ticket de caisse"),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.None),
//e.PrintLine(""),
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" Description Qte Montant"),
e.PrintLine(" EUR"),
e.CenterAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" -----------------------------------------")
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
// Impression des articles, et calcul du prix total
void PrintArticle(string nom, string prix) {
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(
" " + nom.PadRight(27) +
" 1" + prix.PadLeft(11)
)
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
}
double total = 0.00;
int iArticle = rand.Next(ActesPrincipaux.Length);
total += Double.Parse(ActesPrincipaux[iArticle][1].Replace(".", ","));
PrintArticle(ActesPrincipaux[iArticle][0], ActesPrincipaux[iArticle][1]);
int nbSupplements = rand.Next(3 - 1) + 2;
var lSupplements = ActesSecondaires.Select(inner => inner).ToList();
for(int i = 0; i < nbSupplements; i++) {
int iSupplement = rand.Next(lSupplements.Count);
string[] sipplementItem = lSupplements[iSupplement];
total += Double.Parse(sipplementItem[1].Replace(".", ","));
PrintArticle(sipplementItem[0], sipplementItem[1]);
lSupplements.RemoveAt(iSupplement);
}
// Impression du total HTVA, TVA et TTC
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" -----------------------------------------"),
e.PrintLine(" TOTAL HTVA".PadRight(31) + $"{total.ToString("F2", CultureInfo.InvariantCulture)}".PadLeft(11)),
e.PrintLine(" TVA (21%)".PadRight(31) + $"{(total * 0.12).ToString("F2", CultureInfo.InvariantCulture)}".PadLeft(11)),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.Bold),
e.PrintLine(" TOTAL TTC".PadRight(31) + $"{(total * 1.12).ToString("F2", CultureInfo.InvariantCulture)}".PadLeft(11)),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.None),
e.PrintLine(" -----------------------------------------")
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
// Petit texte sur les points de fidélité
int ptsInitial = rand.Next(250);
int ptsNouveau = rand.Next(25);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.PrintLine(""),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.Condensed | PrintStyle.None),
e.CenterAlign(),
e.PrintLine("Programme fidelite"),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.None),
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" Solde initial".PadRight(31) + $"{ptsInitial}".PadLeft(11)),
e.PrintLine(" Points epargnees".PadRight(31) + $"{ptsNouveau}".PadLeft(11)),
e.PrintLine(" Solde final".PadRight(31) + $"{ptsInitial + ptsNouveau}".PadLeft(11)),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.CenterAlign(),
e.SetStyles(PrintStyle.Italic),
e.PrintLine("Une MST offerte par tranche de 150 points"),
e.PrintLine($"Et une taxe de 75 {Monnaies[rand.Next(Monnaies.Length)]} tous les 350"),
e.PrintLine("points pour un avortement"),
e.LeftAlign(),
e.PrintLine(" -----------------------------------------")
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.CenterAlign(),
e.PrintLine(""),
e.FullCutAfterFeed(1)
)
);
printer.Write(
ByteSplicer.Combine(
e.Clear()
)
);
Console.WriteLine("Done :)");
// Printing tends to fail if we directly exit, go figure...
while(true) {
//Thread.Sleep(10);
}
}
}
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readme.md
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# Fun - Tickets Vas-Y
Petit programme marrant qui imprime de faux tickets pour des visites chez des
gourgandines.
> **🔞 Ce dépôt contient de l'humour graveleux réservé aux adolescents/adultes**
## Histoire
Ces tickets ont été crées pour une blague dans un bar local où nous en avions caché
10-15 durant tout un mois. \
Le résultat a été parfait, les serveurs étaient sur le cul, et il a sa place sur le
mur des trophées de bar.
Au final, l'idée derrière le ticket était juste de faire une référence graveleuse à
*goatse*, tout en restant "subtile" au cas où quelqu'un de plus jeune le trouverai.
## Exemple
![Exemple de ticket](screenshot_censored.png "Exemple de ticket")
## Remarques techniques
La librairie [ESC-POS-.NET](https://github.com/lukevp/ESC-POS-.NET) galère
avec les images et beaucoup de pauses ont du être ajoutées pour palier à
ce problème.
Il n'est donc pas impossible que votre imprimante plante et doive être redémarrée
pour refaire une impression propre.
Lors de mes tests entre 20% et 30% des impressions avaient des soucis juste
après le logo.
## Licences
La bibliothèque [ESC-POS-.NET](https://github.com/lukevp/ESC-POS-.NET) a été utilisée et est
sous licence [MIT](https://github.com/lukevp/ESC-POS-.NET/blob/master/LICENSE)
Le reste du code et des ressources de ce dépôt sont sous licence
[CC0 1.0 Universal (CC0 1.0) (domaine public)](LICENSE).
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